


Facebook Wars Of Beacon Hills

by ImNotDeadYet



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Crack, M/M, because why the fuck not, everyone has facebook, everyone is so ooc omg, this is pure honest to god im slightly drunk plan and simple, werewolves are known, will add more characters and relationships as they come
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-18
Updated: 2014-10-05
Packaged: 2018-02-17 20:40:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 1,976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2322488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImNotDeadYet/pseuds/ImNotDeadYet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Facebook, can’t live with it, can’t live without it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I Hate You All

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, I did a Supernatural one so why not Teen Wolf???  
> Well anyway here it goes hate it or love it I don't care  
> also everyone lives well most everyone you'll figure it out

Uncle Creeper  
 _1 hour ago_  
 ** _Who fucking changed my name and how the fuck do I change it back?!?!?!_**  
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Derek Hale, Scott McCall and 16 others like this

Derek Hale: Shouldn’t leave yourself logged in on my computer…  
Uncle Creeper: Well nephew I know for a fact you aren’t smart enough to even think of doing this so it must be the skinny one!  
Stiles Stilinski: “The Skinny One” is proud of you for taking a while 4 hours to figure it out  
Uncle Creeper: I just noticed it an hour ago! Fix it!  
Stiles Stilinski: Why would I do that? Maybe this is pay back for all those gross messages I saw from Mr. Argent  
Uncle Creeper: Well maybe you shouldn’t have been creeping around on my facebook to begin with!  
Stiles Stilinski: You should feel loved I just wanted to know what it felt like to be like you, creeping around all the time XD  
Uncle Creeper: Why am I even friends with you people -.-  
Derek Hale: Really? You sat around and gave us all puppy dog eyes until we agreed to accept your request  
Peter Hale: I hate you all

 

Peter Hale  
 _20 minutes ago_  
 ** _My hit list grows larger everyday_**  
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Cora Hale: Not really the thing to announce on facebook…  
Chris Argent: Ignore it, he’s just still upset over Stiles messing around on his page  
Peter Hale: The little bastard unliked all the pages I spent HOURS finding!  
Cora Hale: And just when I was starting to think you were somewhat sane again.. Please just don’t kill anyone, mainly Stiles I’d hate to have to come back for your funeral since if you killed Stiles Derek would well you know what Derek would do  
Chris Argent: Don’t worry I’ll make sure he behaves, if not I’m pretty sure I have a leash around here somewhere  
Peter Hale: I hate you all


	2. Just Bring Food

**Cora Hale wrote on Derek Hale’s wall  
** _30 minutes ago_ **  
** _ **Wait so is Allison our cousin now?**_  
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Allison Argent: Hi Cora, I guess since you’ve been away Derek has failed to fill you in, we as a pack have decided to ignore whatever it is my father and your uncle are doing no matter how hard they try and rub it in our faces :)  
Derek Hale: Pretty much what she said….  
Cora Hale: yall are seriously no fun  
Peter Hale: and this is why cora is my favorite  
Cora Hale: awh I love you too uncle creeper xoxo  
Peter Hale: I take that back -.-

* * *

 

 

Peter Hale  
 _1 hour ago_  
 **** _Going to ignore all the negative people trying to ruin my good mood and enjoy this nice day cleaning the whole house_  
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Cora Hale, Scott McCall and 2 others like this

Scott McCall: Maybe you should clean up the loft a little bit… I guess Derek didn’t get the neat side of the Hale genes  
Peter Hale: He has Stiles for that, what other reasons are there to keep the runt around  
Scott McCall: …  
Peter Hale: nvm don’t answer that  
Chris Argent: Peter must you always act so childish? Stop whining on Facebook and answer your phone  
Peter Hale: Scotty did you say something? Hmm thought I heard something  
Chris Argent: Really Peter? Really? I’ll be visiting the Sheriff while you learn to act your age

* * *

 

 

**Chat**

**From: Stiles Stilinski - To: Derek Hale**  
 **SS** : _Can I come over?_  
 **DH** : _um sure? Why didn’t you just text or call me?_  
 **SS** : _Left my phone in the living room rather not go back_  
 _for it, there’s a seriously pissed off Argent talking with my dad all_  
 _I heard was something about Peter, sping cleaning, shitty pop music, and withholding sex…_  
 _Please save my poor ears D:_  
 **DH** : _whatever, just bring food_  
 **SS** : _you got it sourwolf :D on my way with pizza eta:30 minutes_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again putting off homework by writing this...  
> and once again more chapters written will post depending on feedback


	3. STILES STOP WITH THE DOG JOKES!

Stiles Stilinski  
 _20 minutes ago_  
 _ **Bacon Vodka is a no go! Ugh where’s the toilet…**_  
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Scott McCall: again dude I’m sorry! It smelled good so I thought it’d taste good…  
Stiles Stilinski: Scott you are a WEREWOLF it smells like meat of course you’re gonna think it’d taste good! Next time just buy yourself some bacon strips  
Scott McCall: I don’t see how being a werewolf has anything to do with it -.-  
Stiles Stilinski: werewolf=dog! bacon strips are dog treats! god I shouldn’t have to explain my own dog jokes anymore  
Isaac Lahey: well if you're tired of explaining them it might just be best for everyone if you stop making them no one finds them funny anyway  
Stiles Stilinski: Isaac shut up! One of you come clean the puke off my floor I'm going back to bed!

 

Allison Argent  
 _1 hour ago_  
 _ **Wow, just read a study that proved that people with dogs tend to live longer**_  
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Lydia Martin, Scott McCall and 8 others like this

Chris Argent: for the last time we are not getting a dog!  
Stiles Stilinski: really Allison you already have 3  
Chris Argent: I can normally decipher your stupid jokes but for the first time I’m stumped I get Isaac and Scott are dogs real funny haven’t heard that 100 times but who’s the third?  
Stiles Stilinski: Peter :)  
Chris Argent: … yeah I’m done  
Isaac Lahey: STILES STOP WITH THE DOG JOKES!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's a life lesson in here  
> never try bacon vodka unless you feel like hugging your toilet  
> and never make dog jokes at werewolves  
> I mean come on guys its rather offensive


	4. I'm Down

**Stiles Stilinski wrote on Derek Hale’s wall  
** _1 hour ago_ ****  
 _ETA 30 minutes! Need anything?_  
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Derek Hale: Please don’t  
Stiles Stilinski: huh?!?!?

 

Text Message From: SourWolf ;)  
 _Peter has been moping on my couch for the last two days believe me you don’t wanna see this_  
Text Message From: Stiles  
 _still fighting with chris?? Thought that was over_  
Text Message From: SourWolf ;)  
 _guess not… he refuses to go home_  
Text Message From: Stiles  
 _Meet for pizza instead? That place by the mall?_  
Text Message From SourWolf ;)  
 _on my way_

 

Stiles Stilinski  
 _20 minutes ago_  
 ** _Getting Pizza with Derek Hale! Allison \+ Scott care to join?_**  
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Allison Argent: YES PLEASE! I need to get outta this house not sure how much more of my dad I can put up with  
Stiles Stilinski: yeah Derek is having the same issue… Place by the mall! Hurry up  
Scott McCall: I’m down  
Allison Argent: Picking up Scott then we’ll be there

 

Derek Hale  
 _2 minutes ago_  
 **** _That awkward moment with 3 teenagers handle relationship issues better than two grown men…_  
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Cora Hale, Isaac Lahey and 2 others like this

Lydia Martin: Oh honey a 2 year old handle situations better than those two  
Cora Hale: we are talking about our dear uncle and his “friend” right?  
Derek Hale: Yes I had to go hide out with 3 teenagers to get away from his moping  
Cora Hale: poor peter  
Derek Hale: POOR ME! If you feel so bad for him you come deal with him  
Cora Hale: Rather not lol  
Derek Hale: thought so -.-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is now only being posted here  
> It was also in FF.net but apparently it was lacking in plot and "substantial content"  
> or says some BS rule
> 
> but anyway! I'll try and knock out another chapter tomorrow or the next day


	5. I'm Going To Kill You!... Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a lot harder than i thought itd be...  
> I have a nice long juicy plot in my head  
> it's just hard to tell a story when all you can see is the aftermath on facebook

Stiles Stilinski  
 _6 hours ago_  
 _ **Things have been quiet lately… too quiet**_  
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Scott McCall: SHUT UP STILES! I swear to God if you jinx it I will punch you!  
Stiles Stilinski: awh whats wrong scott? Enjoying the break with no timmy stuck in the well?  
Isaac Lahey: stiles I thought we talked about the dog jokes…  
Derek Hale: all of you stop whining plus things aren’t as quiet as they seem…  
Scott McCall: WHAT?? No no what now? Dude if I fail another test because some supernatural creature is trying to kill me my mom’s gonna be pissed!  
Stiles Stilinski: scotty I believe our little derek just made a joke…  
Isaac Lahey: derek made a joke???  
Scott McCall: I don’t believe it! But but He did!  
Derek Hale: none of you are as funny as you think you are…

 

* * *

 

 **Stiles Stilinski wrote on Derek Hale’s wall** **  
** _5 hours ago_  
 _ **I’m so proud I think my eyes are watering… but really tho did you mean it? Quiet is boring!**_  
Like. Comment. See Friendship

Derek Hale: yes stiles for once things seem to be well normal around here enjoy it while you can  
Stiles Stilinski: oh come on der I’m bored! There’s gotta be something!  
Derek Hale: nope we’re all good for once other than my uncle being the worlds biggest drama queen everything is just fine around here  
Peter Hale: you know it’s really not nice to speak ill of others on social media  
Derek Hale: it’s also not very nice to take over someones couch for over a week all because you don’t want to go home and handle a fight like an adult  
Peter Hale: I’m the only one being an adult here!  
Derek Hale: last time I checked sitting around on my couch all day throwing popcorn at couples on soap operas all day isn’t being an adult  
Peter Hale: I’ll show you an adult!  
Peter Hale: Oh whats this? That nice new leather jacket derek bought? Hmm looks like it cost a lot maybe I should check it out… oops my claw might have slipped well 1 sleeve is just as good as 2  
Stiles Stilinski: oh shit… RUN PETER RUN  
Derek Hale: I’m going to kill you!... again

 

* * *

 

Text Message To: SourWolf ;)  
 _Haven’t heard from you in a while everything okay?  
_ Text Message To: SourWolf ;)  
 _der… is everyone alive  
_ Text Message To: SourWolf ;)  
 _getting a little worried here  
_ Text Message To: SourWolf ;)  
 _sereiously derek do I need to tell my dad to look the other way when peters body shows up  
_ Text Message To: SourWolf ;)  
 _u ccant leave me in the dark like this!  
_ Text Message To: SourWolf ;)  
 _is everyone still in one piece? Well everyone but your jacket haha  
_ Text Message To: SourWolf ;)  
 _ok I'm sorry that wasn’t funny I know.. just answer me!  
_ Text Message To: SourWolf ;)  
 _ok well um just call me? Soon? Like really soon? ASAP_


	6. Stiles, Nobody Cares

Stiles Stilinski  
 _5 hours ago_  
 ** _Anyone heard from Derek? This is getting kinda weird…_**  
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Cora Hale: Good job stiles! How did you manage to lose my brother?  
Stiles Stilinski: I didn’t lose him!!! He like disappeared!  
Allison Argent: I haven’t heard from him but when I get back home I can ask Peter if he’s seen him  
Stiles Stilinski: wait what? Peter?? When did you see him!!  
Allison Argent: um like 30 minutes ago? He was at my house with my dad I had to go to lydia’s when sounds started coming from the bedroom…  
Stiles Stilinski: hahahahahahahahaha as much as I feel the need to make a joke right now I’m more worried about the fact derek is missing yet peter is just randomly back with ur father?????   
Allison Argent: Don’t wanna know details don’t care laugh all you want ur on ur own finding ur lover boy :)  
Stiles Stilinski: -.-  


* * *

 

 

Text Message From: The Annoying Skinny One  
 _Okay where’s derek?  
_ Text Message From: Uncle Bad Touch  
 _Why would I know? I’m not his keeper  
_ Text Message From: The Annoying Skinny One  
 _last I heard he was on his way to kill you! You saw him last!  
_ Text Message From: Uncle Bad Touch  
 _Oh please like he could ever kill me  
_ Text Message From: The Annoying Skinny One  
 _He has before :)  
_ Text Message From: Uncle Bad Touch  
 _Stiles, this is chris had to take the phone before Peter broke another one._  
He claims he last saw Derek when he was kicking him out and direct quote here  
“Maybe try getting off your ass and looking for him maybe I don’t know try checking his house”

* * *

 

Derek Hale  
 _2 hours ago_  
 ** _Sorry if anyone was worried my psychotic uncle broke my phone_**  
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Scott McCall, Peter Hale and 3 Others Like This

Cora Hale: Oh we weren’t worried   
Derek Hale: Yeah I noticed that -.-  
Stiles Stilinski: I was worried!!  
Lydia Martin: Stiles nobody cares

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> seems like i only work on this when i'm putting off witting my English essay...  
> writing shitty fanfiction is a lot more fun than writing annoying college essays


End file.
